Its paralyzing.
Freezing.
Crazy.
Even when the thirst for life is intense, it feels easier to stay parched. It feels easier to sit and stare at the cool stream of life flowing by very near to ones own feet, while the feet longing for a dip stay paralyzed, motionless... The mind plays the motion picture with elaborate details, however the reality stands like a still frame.
That's inner resistance. Inner resistance to healing, resistance to wellbeing.
In my practice on a daily basis I see this clearly in the multitude of faces that speak to me. They take a huge amount of trouble waiting in long queues since early morning, travelling long distances after making all preparations for the day at home, in order to reach my desk and sit opposite me, seeking a solution to the seemingly nagging illnesses that are troubling them.
The degree of resistance varies. So does the intensity of the willingness to get better. Unawares of the play of suppressed emotions within weaving an almost impenetrable web of resistance most people frantically seek a solution from the outside, a drug, an elixir that will make them feel better, at least for the time being. Most of us are not aware of the power of self healing of our human body when left alone. And that the only challenge it faces most strongly is our own self created inner resistance to healing. This invisible web decides our subconscious actions, it decides our damaging habits that we stay hopelessly chained to. It makes us want to stay pathetic so that we can seek some sympathy and make us proud victims. It even weakens our conscious choices.
Its impossible for an outsider to point out this resistance that is often the main cause of persistence of chronic and recurrent diseases and ill health. This web awaits silently for self discovery.
My inquiry into the source of this enigmatic contradiction within, leads me into a cave of deep dark pain. Pain, the origin of which is long forgotten. Its just lurking there, inside a hidden coffin. Trying to destroy this coffin is useless. No matter whether you try to burn it, or shove it deeper down, or pretend its non existent, no matter what you do with it, it stays on... albeit beating a little bit more palpably. I believe the best one can do is keep the coffin open. Sure a constant reminder of its presence can be very disturbing and suffocating, but I hope that when the pain does not feel any resistance it slowly ebbs away from the space without letting anyone know. How long it would take is beyond my scope of judgement. I stay hopeful, for one day discovering an effecting way to triumph over this enigma.
Freezing.
Crazy.
Even when the thirst for life is intense, it feels easier to stay parched. It feels easier to sit and stare at the cool stream of life flowing by very near to ones own feet, while the feet longing for a dip stay paralyzed, motionless... The mind plays the motion picture with elaborate details, however the reality stands like a still frame.
That's inner resistance. Inner resistance to healing, resistance to wellbeing.
In my practice on a daily basis I see this clearly in the multitude of faces that speak to me. They take a huge amount of trouble waiting in long queues since early morning, travelling long distances after making all preparations for the day at home, in order to reach my desk and sit opposite me, seeking a solution to the seemingly nagging illnesses that are troubling them.
The degree of resistance varies. So does the intensity of the willingness to get better. Unawares of the play of suppressed emotions within weaving an almost impenetrable web of resistance most people frantically seek a solution from the outside, a drug, an elixir that will make them feel better, at least for the time being. Most of us are not aware of the power of self healing of our human body when left alone. And that the only challenge it faces most strongly is our own self created inner resistance to healing. This invisible web decides our subconscious actions, it decides our damaging habits that we stay hopelessly chained to. It makes us want to stay pathetic so that we can seek some sympathy and make us proud victims. It even weakens our conscious choices.
Its impossible for an outsider to point out this resistance that is often the main cause of persistence of chronic and recurrent diseases and ill health. This web awaits silently for self discovery.
My inquiry into the source of this enigmatic contradiction within, leads me into a cave of deep dark pain. Pain, the origin of which is long forgotten. Its just lurking there, inside a hidden coffin. Trying to destroy this coffin is useless. No matter whether you try to burn it, or shove it deeper down, or pretend its non existent, no matter what you do with it, it stays on... albeit beating a little bit more palpably. I believe the best one can do is keep the coffin open. Sure a constant reminder of its presence can be very disturbing and suffocating, but I hope that when the pain does not feel any resistance it slowly ebbs away from the space without letting anyone know. How long it would take is beyond my scope of judgement. I stay hopeful, for one day discovering an effecting way to triumph over this enigma.
All I can say.... saying is easy but practicing and self healing will surely take a while depending on so many factors..
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I agree.
DeleteOn further introspection of your comment, when I asked myself "what would be THE one factor which would be decisive" I felt the answer was purity of intention and willpower. Also I told myself "shatter it (the resistance)! Do everything differently. Cultivate discipline because that is what exercises and strengthens willpower."
ReplyDelete